My cousin who’s suffering from Cavernous Angioma (story posted here) is taking Depakote to prevent seizures.   No one researched about the medicine until today (They buy the medicine in tablet form and no sheet of info comes everytime, just  tablets, as if you are buying a paracetamol) .  We were all for what the doctor said – prevent the seizures from happening.  She has been taking this medicine for almost a month.  Days ago, my cousin was complaining that she gets extremely sleepy.  So, they went to visit the doctor again and he prescribed another medicine.  They bought it and my cousin was about to take it when they noticed a long list of negative side effects.  Only when I was advised by my mom of the first medicine did we come to realize how dangerous the previous medicine was (the second one, equally alarming).

If you check this page, you will see this list.    The following are the  common side effects:

• Shakiness (tremors) — in up to 57 percent of people
• Nausea — up to 48 percent
• Headaches — up to 31 percent
• Drowsiness — up to 30 percent
• Vomiting — up to 27 percent
• Weakness — up to 27 percent
• Dizziness — up to 25 percent.

• Hair loss (see Depakote and Hair Loss)
• Abdominal pain (or stomach pain)
• Diarrhea or constipation
• Flu symptoms, such as a fever or chills
• Infections
• Double vision
• Insomnia (see Depakote and Insomnia)
• Indigestion or heartburn
• Blurred vision
• Nervousness
• Weight gain (see Depakote and Weight Gain)
• Back pain
• Coordination problems
• Uncontrollable eye movements
• Swelling or water retention in the arms, legs, or feet
• Memory loss (amnesia)
• Ringing in the ears (tinnitus)
• Increased appetite or loss of appetite
• A fever
• Emotional problems
• Weight loss.

Serious Side Effects:

• Depression
• Signs of liver damage, such as yellow eyes or skin (jaundice)
• Signs of pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas), such as:

• • Severe abdominal pain (or stomach pain)
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Loss of appetite

• Worsening of seizures
• Low body temperature (below 95 degrees F), known as hypothermia
• Unexplained bruising or bleeding
• Signs of an allergic reaction, including unexplained rash, hives, itching, and unexplained swelling
• Suicidal thinking or behavior (see Seizure Medications and Suicide).

The medicine is for seizure prevention and yet its side effects listed that seizures can worsen.  More than that, the list is long enough for us to be doubtful whether or not we should let my cousin drink it.  I mean, would you let your child drink a medicine such as this, if it seems more harmful than useful?  The doctor sure knows what he is doing but it doesn’t mean that he knows better.  Yes, he is trying to cure/prevent seizure because this is the current main complaint.  He will find some other medicines when my cousin will complain of hair loss and then another, when my cousin complains of loss of appetite or the opposite thereof and yet another, when my cousin complains of loss of memory and the medicine would go endlessly.

Sometimes,  I think it’s better if we just let  things be there rather than do something that could worsen it (cause more damage).  But then, it’s a matter of trying also.  But trying can sometimes be dangerous   (i.e. we will never know if my cousin will have memory loss/amnesia until she’s there.)

My cousin has made up her mind, she won’t take the medicine anymore.  She doesn’t want to forget the things that she will study for an exam.  Her parents are now puzzled.  What really is the best thing to do?!?!

There are only two things to do now – take it or leave it.  Tough one!

(P.S.  We have not decided yet whether or not to push through with surgery.)

We went to visit (regular) my OB yesterday.  My  dear OB wasn’t at all alarmed with my spotting.  It probably is just normal.  Obviously, she has heard this a million times before.  Of course, she made a few reminders for me to be careful about but nothing as bad as a bed rest for a week.

I lost a kg but no worries  I will gain this back (and even more) after this stage.  My hemoglobin is low but I was given a supplement for that.  My BP is normal at 117/79 mmHg.

I was right away directed to the bed, made to lie down and had ultrasound. We saw the baby again moving and moving!  His/her hands are waving and his/her legs are moving.  Last month, he/she just looked like a lump of blood but now, he’s/she’s complete (or almost). It’s really like magic seeing someone inside of you.  I told my OB that the baby looks exactly like hubby and we were all laughing.

The proud dad boasted of how our little angel has grown.  He wanted to show the photo taken but I didn’t bring it in the afternoon (when we resume to work).  I told him people won’t understand it anyway – I mean, it’s black and white and it’s quite small so, all you will do is point to them where’s the head, the hands, the toes.  I don’t think that would interest them, especially, men. Nothing can stop him though.

I love it when my husband is very very excited of our baby.  I love that he is so concern everytime I don’t feel well and that he doesn’t mind doing most of the chores at home because I easily get tired especially when I get nauseous.  I’m hoping he won’t get tired of me and that he’d be a good father – you know, play with our child even if he’s tired from work…he may not feel like doing it sometimes, but he’ll do it anyway kind of thing.

(The baby is 12 weeks old.)

I thought it’s just another bout of afternoon-evening sickness.  It’s 5pm.  My abdomen was terribly disturbing me.  It’s like there’s trouble inside (like the residents of my abdomen despised the presence of each other).  I sat still on my chair, continued doing my job and paused once in a while everytime the trouble reached its peak.  Then I felt wet.  Sweat perhaps? Or…?  Abdomen painful still. It’s 7:10pm when I left the office.  I was already short of breathing when I walked out.  My lips were pale and dry.

Hubby was with me though so I knew I was safe.

But hubby scheduled a meeting with a friend and the friend was waiting already.  I wanted to go home ahead but still managed to go with him- fixed the friend’s laptop problem and ate something with his friend for like 20 minutes.  Then we went home.

Abdomen was still in trouble, no more peaks though.

We brushed our teeth and then I peed.  There, I saw the blood (enough to fill the undie). I was right after all.

The pain remained until around midnight.  Maybe it went beyond that but then, I fell asleep so, that’s how far I could recall.

This is the fourth (or fifth) time I experienced this. The first two were only minimal (about 5 dots).  On the third, there were like 3 big drops after I peed.  Then the one last night (the worst).   I used to just don’t mind it because I thought it’s just fine but dear sister says I might need a bed rest.  Oh!  How I despise that!

I’ll be seeing my doctor tomorrow though. She might give me some medicines to keep the baby where he/she should be.

Have you experienced or heard about this?  Can you tell me if it’s just normal or something to be worried about?  Yes, I’ve done my research too.

Oh, and if you ask me whether or not I am  worried,  I say, A BIT, last night but not anymore.  I still believe that the baby is fine. I’m positive about that.  Not a single thought of negativity.

This movie doesn’t intend to show someone too bad and the other one too good that no one favors the other one while the other one gets all the sympathy.  At times, though, the mother (Vilma Santos) seems pathetic (in fact, so pathetic) for she goes on accusing the son’s boyfriend (John Lloyd) of things the boyfriend didn’t really intend to do.   But then, it comes from the fact that she is not certain how well she is loved and accepted.  She feels her presence is not welcomed and she keeps confirming her feelings,  yet continues seeking her importance that she appears rather selfish.

I think, as parents age, they (or we) desire, more than ever, to feel being accepted, to feel they are still as important as when the kids are yet too young.  Parents want to reassure themselves that they still belong, that no matter how big their kids have become, they remain, THEIR kids.

There is drifting away.  This happens with certain circumstances that’s hurting and unforgettable.  Without anyone opening up,  the cut gets deeper and deeper and the distance, wider.  Sometimes, the other party is caught unaware because the other one pretends to be fine.

I can understand Vilma’s case here though.  Sometimes, the children (myself, counted) get too hurt with things parents do or say.  They fail to consider, sometimes, that parents are so busy with a lot of things (heavier responsibilities, bigger and more problems) that they sometimes, do not notice how children feel.  On the other hand, the lesson here for parents, is that they’d (or we’d) be more careful about the things they (we) say or do.

“Ang damot damot mo!” (You are too selfish!).  I love this line delivered by John Lloyd to Vilma.   It speaks of how well Noel (John Lloyd) loves her son and yet,  her pride questions why someone  has become more important to his son than she is.

“In My Life”, starred by Vilma Santos, John Lloyd Cruz and Luis Mansano.  I commend the three for a job really well-done.  The message gets through every viewer’s heart, I’m sure.  It got me crying.  I bet you will, too.

(1)  A Perfect Getaway
I love movies when you can’t tell right from the start the villaine/villainess, when you keep guessing who’s the good and bad and it ain’t clear until it nears the end.  And when you’ve finally figured out, you go figure out again the previous scenes and why they were that way.  This is why I love the “A Perfect Getaway”.

Below is taken from this page.

Cliff and Cydney are an adventurous young couple celebrating their honeymoon by backpacking to one of the most beautiful, and remote, beaches in Hawaii. Hiking the wild, secluded trails, they believe they’ve found paradise. But when the pair comes across a group of frightened hikers discussing the horrifying murder of another newlywed couple on the islands, they begin to question whether they should turn back. Unsure whether to stay or flee, Cliff and Cydney join up with two other couples, and things begin to go terrifyingly wrong. Far from civilization or rescue, everyone begins to look like a threat and nobody knows whom to trust. Paradise becomes hell on earth as a brutal battle for survival begins…

(2)  The Tournament
I could say this movie is the modern-day version of  “Gladiator” ( a game of men who are made to fight – kill or be killed).   Any weapon is possible to use. The arena is not limited to a certain rectangular area.  You have a monitor to determine if a fellow killer is near.  Gamblers monitor you through CCTVs which are installed all over the place. The last one standing still gets a cash prize.  It’s a game show with lives, at stake.  I love this movie because you don’t get bored – they are always moving, always fighting.

Learn to say “Please” and “Thank you”.  We are not your slaves.   Remember, if you do not get what you want immediately, that is because the internet connection is giving us problems, or we are busy doing something else – more important, more urgent.  Learn to consider you are not the only boss.  We have Mr. Ak, Mr. An,  Z, S.   Everyone wants urgent.  Everyone is asking everything to be done right away.   Please learn to understand that.

For this layout, it took awhile to get to you because the internet connection is crawling.

I sent this email a while ago to one of our Sales Representatives.  I’m so pissed off at how demanding he is, inconsiderate of any situation.  There are three of us that he is treating this way.  Being the only woman, I reached my limit faster.  I don’t want to be complaining behind his back.  He has to know. So, this.  I always believe that if you just let people step on you, they will.  I do not like to let them think, it’s okay because it’s not.

A Japanese friend had stomach tumor measuring 6 cm in diameter.  Can you imagine how big that was?  It’s half the length of your ballpen (usual).  Make that round and you’ll know.  It’s a shocker to me!

And yet she said, she only has 2 small wounds due to the operation, each measuring less than 3mm.  Her doctor mentioned she’s the fourth one in the whole world to be operated using that technology (if I may call it) and probably, the second one in Japan (Yes, you could say she’s a guinea pig).  She was released from the hospital sooner than she thought.

And how much did she pay? I was thinking she’d spend her life paying for this if she’s working in & a citizen of my country.  Or  even her lifetime won’t be enough to pay this in full (assuming she’s just an ordinary citizen earning what the majority earns).   But guess what?  She didn’t have to pay much (only a few yens, close to nothing) because the government paid for it (as part of her tax benefits).  That makes it really relieving!

That said, I could say that Japan is really advanced and the Japanese government is clearly not consuming the tax remittances. What an assurance for the citizens! How unfortunate am I! (I bet you know what I mean).

Mama’s sister (eldest of 4) got admitted to the hospital for High Blood Pressure attack.  She was admitted on her birthday (October 30, of all days!).

This morning, my sister told me my auntie is experiencing speech paralysis . Mom detailed that her tongue won’t come out.

Her children are losing hope.

In the hospital this morning, are my mom, uncle, auntie and my sick auntie.

Trying times really are times when family gather together to support each other. Trying times are times when differences are suddenly set aside or forgotten or fixed.  Trying times like this, specifically.

Correction: She’s not admitted to the hospital.  She’s  in one of her daughters’ house.  She’s also already suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease (not due to age but due to High Blood Pressure) since July.

My pregnancy has caused me to hate oily foods.  I normally just go with the usual cooking style (i.e. if it normally needs oil, I cook it with oil).  But now, my little angel is begging me not to eat oily foods (as much as possible).

It is common for pregnant women to experience being nauseous and most often, vomit.  To control this feeling, I eat sour foods  – fish paksiw, fish sinigang, sweet and sour fish, chicken sinigang.  There are times when I eat fish paksiw for 2 meals (lunch and dinner).  I really hate oily foods.  My foods are either simply water-boiled or vinegar-boiled.

Now, that I’m fed off with fish, I try to eat corned beef.  (No, I’m not a fan of canned goods. In fact, we buy nothing in can most of the time.)  Since I hate oil, I cook corned beef with onions simply boiled in a little amount water before combining the corned beef in.  Yes,  it has oil content already just that I don’t add more.  I cook hotdogs and longanisa by simply boiling them in water too.  No oil added, except the original food content.  In the end though, it’s still called frying, because the food’s oil content comes out soon as the little amount of water (boiling) runs dry.

Quite a few  questioned as to why I am so affected with my cousin’s current condition.  So, this entry.

The reason why I’m so shaken/disturbed/affected is because this cousin of mine is very close to me, even more than a sister.  My whole family considers her like a part of ours.

I (and my elder sis) have lived with my uncle for years before he got married because he often had nightmares and he used to live alone.  When my Uncle got married and his wife got pregnant, I was always her company (walking around, getting the foods she craved for, eating with her, listening to her weirdest feelings,  etc).  When she delivered my cousin,  I lived  with them.

My mama was always the one who took charge of taking care of my little cousin when my auntie had appointments or when my cousin was simply bored of her usual environment.  Mama was the only one who could make her eat when she’s sick.

On summer  vacations, I lived with them.  I sang songs with her.  I taught her little things.  I helped her practice her speech on her KG-2 Graduation.  I  helped her memorize her first favorite song.  We made and practiced her speeches.  We reviewed for her competitions (Math, Science).  I was almost always there.

My Uncle and Auntie were always there especially when we ran out of resource – foods, finances for our education, etc.  They were always very supportive.  Since papa died, my Uncle always checks on us.  He’s my mama’s closest sibling.  He’s always there fighting for us whenever necessary.

So, my cousin is really a sister or even more, to me.  Her parents are like mine.  Mine are like hers.

So, this bad news is really disturbing me.

Imagine your own youngest sister having a brain complication (lesion) causing her seizures and blood clot and eventually (hopefully not),  intellectual degradation (especially when you’re so used to seeing her climb up the stage and have her medal).  It sucks big time.  It hurts big time. We couldn’t afford to see her like that.  And yet, what are our choices?

So, there.  I hope you’d understand.  Or that I would?  – -  That life’s like this!  It sucks, sometimes!