So far, I have introduced instant infant cereal, rice powder, potato, squash, banana and apple to Baby Kate.  She didn’t like potato and squash.  She would spit them up, so she only had these vegetables for a day each.

Majority suggest having a child try a food for a whole week before introducing a new one to immediately discover allergies.  At the realization of Baby Kate disliking a food being introduced though, I’ve decided to move on to the next food immediately the next day. I won’t force her to eat anything she doesn’t like.

So, we tried banana and apple and porridge (boiled water + rice powder).

And then, we tried squash again (porridge + squash).

squash porridge

And yes, she likes it this time!  I am so proud of her.  I will try potato again sometime soon or try another one.  No pressure but no giving up as well!

I think the song is well-written and well-sung by Toni G. & Gary V.   Listening to it made me emotional – mixed emotions, more positive than negative.

For the Filipinos out there, especially those who haven’t watched it yet, here it is:

Merry Christmas to everyone!

baby kate@6mos

Time flies really fast.  I was aiming to get back to work when Baby Kate turns 6 months old.  But  you see, that didn’t happen (for a lot of reasons I am not discussing in this post).

Baby Kate is now weighing 8.4 kg and is 66 cm tall (or short?).  She’s quite heavy for her age but still within normal range.  I do weight-lifting with her in my arms and we both enjoy this.

She loves the sound of numbers (counting) that she’d stop whatever she’s doing/babbling to listen carefully and smile. She loves listening to me count whenever I weight-lift and she loves us singing “The Little Indian” song.

She’s, so far, a very good girl – rarely cries though very much demanding of attention.  She is not so much into toys that she’d ignore them at the sight of her mommy/daddy.

I love that she now sleeps well at night, from 11pm-6am without disturbing me most of the time.  She only sleeps once during daytime and that’s after taking her breakfast.  In the afternoon, she only takes a nap (usually 30 minutes) and another nap (about 30 minutes) from around 7pm.  After that is the good night sleep (i.e. from 11pm).

She eats just fine.  So far I’ve introduced her to instant cereals, rice powder, banana, potato, squash and apple.  She doesn’t like potato and squash. Last week, I re-introduced squash to her and I’m glad to say that she’s taking it, though not loving it, yet.

She smiles/laughs a lot.  She wakes up smiling to us, though she’d cry if no one is around.  She loves the sight of herself- mirror reflection, photos or videos, though I’m not certain if she knows it’s her she’s seeing.  She stops and listens whenever we play a video of her and then she’d smile like she knows it was her voice that she just heard.

She dances too!  If you so desire, please watch her dance.  It’s only a 30-second video.

She rolls over in both directions, sits almost without support (we’re not yet confident, so), lunges forward/starts crawling (but not yet).

Daddy would tease her by calling her name and hiding to see if she turns in the direction of his voice and she does, while smiling and looking curious where the sound comes from.  She knows the sound of her dad’s voice.

Baby Kate is really well-behaved. She almost doesn’t cry when we’re not home.  When she cries, it’s so easy comforting her and get her smiling again.

Also, she now recognizes faces and  cries when someone she’s not familiar with picks her up.  The crying would stop immediately though at the assurance of her mom/dad that she’s with someone safe.

No teeth yet and no “mama” or “papa” sound yet.  I’m waiting for these.

We went to visit Baby Kate’s doctor to get her vaccine (6-in-1).  Soon as the needle got into her leg, she cried.  Immediately, I picked her up and told her it was nothing.  She stopped crying just like that (in seconds)!

vaccine

Doc was impressed and that made me one proud mama!

On the other hand, it’s not at all applause for her high threshold of pain.  A month ago, I mispositioned her in her carrier (like a backpack I use to carry her) and made a scratch on her leg  (and this is not just a simple scratch because until now, it’s still there).  I was so clueless until I undressed her.  She didn’t at all signal that she was hurting.  Months ago too, I think, when she was still 2 months old, I cut her fingernails and overdid it.  She didn’t complain.  I later saw her finger (nail-end) wounded & slightly bloody, thus, the realization. (I know, I should be careful, but that’s not the point.)

leg scratch

So, there…her bravery – it’s both good and bad.

I fear that she will grow up pretending (putting a brave front) she’s okay and I’ll never know she’s feeling unwell (perhaps, bitter, angry, hurt and the like).  I don’t like that!

bb kate on her walker

I don’t have much to say today except that I wanted to show-off this wonderful photo of baby kate courtesy of our friend who came to visit today.

mom n bb

Dear Baby Kate,

Having you has created a brand new and a deeper kind of love inside of me.  I’m sure Daddy feels the same way too.  Since you came into our lives a lot of things have changed – not just me physically but including how daddy cares for me (because I have you inside of me).  I still could remember the time we learned about my pregnancy of you – daddy was very very ecstatic and was shouting, I could almost cry with his reaction.  I was so picky with foods and sometimes, I didn’t eat because I can not find the right food that I could take.  Daddy was very very careful of us.  He made sure I had every food I wanted.  He always checked on me at the office if I was hungry or thirsty, if I needed something from the mall nearby.  He’d make my beverages and wouldn’t allow me to drink coffee no matter how I show my thirst for it.  I would sometimes steal a sip from his cup and he would always get mad at me.  He always cared for you – what’s good and not good for you.

When you finally came (in person), our lives changed even more.  I couldn’t describe how much we adore and love you.  You are the most precious, fragile and most beautiful gift we have ever received.  We never knew that until you came.  You wake us up in the middle of the night but it ‘s a joy seeing you smile or cry or just stare at us.  You are, to us, a magic.  You bring so much joy and meaning to our lives.  You bring fear too.  I fear of not being the best mom that I could be, of not being able to protect you all the time.  You are so fragile.  I’d cry feeling so afraid/scared of how fragile you are. 

I always whisper to your ear “I love you” because I have read that it’s a good thing to do.  I hope you like it.  You smell good to me.  You look like an angel.  Yes, you are so adorable.  I tell you things I pressumed you understand.  Whenever you act weird such as not sleeping long enough, I would talk to you and ask you to be well or ask you what’s wrong with you.  Funny, but I communicate with you as if I’d get an answer from you.  Well, I only wish you could tell me what’s wrong whenever you feel there’s something wrong.

You know, I always feel that you are tough.  Two days after you were born, you have had a Newborn Screening – blood was drawn from your ankle and you were also given 2 vaccine shots (BCG and Anti-Hepa B).  After all that, you were not showing any pain at all.  You just slept as normal.  Of course, you cried when needles were on you but only for a while.  When you had your Hepa B second shot, you were crying only for a little while and then you slept.  You’re really tough.  Your pedia noticed and commented on that.  Keep that up my baby!

Baby Kate, you are my life’s meaning.  I’d give up anything and everything for you.  Perhaps, that’s the kind of love that every mom has for her child, that kind of love, I never thought I’d be able to give coz I never knew it actually existed.

I admit I’m far from perfect (mom) and everyday, I’m struggling to prove that I deserve you.  Forgive me for my mistakes.  Allow me to continue on learning.  Always believe that, I love you, no matter what. 

I love you so much my dear Baby Kate.  I am always praying for all the good things to happen to you. 

Love,
Mom

family pic

June 19, 2010

Daddy Ken left to work in the UAE.  It’s such a teary-eyed goodbye.  We’re together for 2 months (1 month of which, we have Baby Kate).  Before we left home (for the airport), we have had our family picture taken.  I’ve been stopping my tears from falling, disturbing my thoughts about how much we will be missing Daddy Ken.  I wasn’t able to stop my tears though soon as Daddy Ken brought up his luggage and said goodbye to my niece and mom.  My niece and mom were very emotional and so was I.  Then, we got ourselves busy with small talks while on our way to the airport.  Daddy Ken checked-in his luggage and left us for a while.  The time to kiss goodbye came though and we had to cry.  Ah…. goodbyes.  Goodbyes are always painful.  Imagine I’ve been travelling (leaving and being left) for several times already and yet, until now, I still cry like it’s my first time.  I never get used to this.  I think I never will.  My mom too.  She cries with us everytime we are left by our hubbies to work abroad.  And then, I thought how much more painful it is for mom to be left by my Dad (through death).  I hate the thought of being left. Really.

I cry this time because I feel the need to take good care of hubby and I fear that he won’t be able to take good care of himself as much as I would.  I worry about his daily meals, exercise and cruel boss/colleagues.  I cry thinking how sad it would be to be the only one to be there for Baby Kate especially when she wakes up at night.  It’s sad to be alone, to not see Daddy Ken right next to me.

June 20, 2010

It’s Father’s Day today!
We went to church with my mom.  We just stayed home after and watched tv. I tried calling Daddy Ken but I can’t reach his phone.  We got to talk at night after Baby Kate slept and after I regained my phone’s signal.

We miss Daddy Ken so much.

June 27, 2010

We went to church today with mom, sisters and their kids, tiyo ely and family.  Inday and Kuya Danny had their car blessed today too.  We just went home immediately after the Holy Mass.  Baby Kate, as usual, was awake during the mass.   She even finished the entire mass awake.  We miss Daddy Ken so much.

Aug 23, 2010

Baby Kate sleeps on her own.  If my memory is right, she started this since she turned 3 months.  I  am so happy and proud of her.  She used to sleep only when she’s in my arms.  Now, I can feed her and then lay her on her crib and she sleeps on her own.  She talks and laughs even when she’s alone until she falls asleep.  Cute.  Sometimes she giggles even when she’s asleep.  I find it so amusing and cute.  Mama laughs and brags about this.  Baby Kate just grows mature quite fast.  Baby Kate smiles and laughs a lot.  At 2 months, she understands when told “Smile, picture picture.”  And she would smile and even laugh, and usually does this with kicks.

May 19, 2010

Today (the day after we left the hospital), Baby Kate was brought back (to the hospital) for Newborn Screening and then to the Health Centre for  BCG vaccine.  What I would like to tell you is that she is really a tough baby.  Yes, she cried but only for a very short period and then she’d stop like nothing happens.  I mean, some babies would still linger on the pain though it probably is gone already.

She slept well after the vaccine and went sleeping flawlessly all through the night.

I am amazed.

With regards to breastfeeding, my milk won’t satisfy her hunger still.  I still don’t have enough.  We always end up giving her a bottle.  But, I’m trying.  We’ll get there.

May 21, 2010

After days of trying to breastfeed Baby Kate, I got wounded nip (ples). By wounded, I mean, the very thin skin wrapping the very flesh of it, is removed, making it look like a naked chorizo. I don’t have enough milk and she tries to suck it hard to get the amount she wants while I’m giving her the freedom for me to, hopefully, eventually produce enough for her.  It hurts really bad that even the touch of my shirt against them would freak me out.  It hurts when milk runs from them.  It hurts when I take a bath and water (of course) runs through them.

I’ll keep trying though, just need a lot of lip-biting and I’ll get through this.  But honestly,  it scares me everytime Baby Kate gets hungry.  This, knowing, I’ll have to endure without flinching.

May 25, 2010

I gave myself a day of rest from breastfeeding.  It’s just too painful and my nips are literally bloody – not good for me nor for Baby Kate.

May 28, 2010

Today, Baby Kate is 11 days old.  Today, we had her baptized.  We originally wanted her baptized tomorrow, May 29, since it’s her dad’s birthday.  Unfortunately, the schedule for May 29 went loaded before we had the chance to visit the church.

The preparation was quick – we gave our target godparents short notices. We phoned for a food caterer and invited a few relatives and friends to come over for lunch.

baptism

Today, we celebrated hubby’s birthday too.  I think people forgot about him though and Baby Kate took everyone’s thoughts and attention.

With the help of our family, we had this day done quite well.

Tired.

Dearest Mama,

Today, you are celebrating your birthday.  Happy Birthday Mama.  I just want you to know that I love you very much and without a doubt, I always want you to know for sure that I salute you, above all else, for being the kind of mom and grandmom to all us.  I say this with all honesty.  I say this knowing for sure that if I’d ever be given a chance to choose who my mother should be, I’d choose you.  I value and appreciate you and every single thing that you taught me.  I honestly, couldn’t be like you.  I do not wish to go through what you’ve went through but I hope it’s enough for me to see and know that you’ve been through stages in life that’s worth learning from.

Thank you Ma for all the words of wisdom but most importantly, for all the works of wisdom.

Thank you Ma, for keeping an eye on us, for guiding us, for letting us do what we want to do, for forewarning us, for teaching us lessons in life. 

Thank you Ma, for being a friend to chat with almost with zero hesitation/reservation (of course, there are minute details we do not share with each other. )

Thank you Ma, for  always considering us and our future, for hoping and trying hard to give us a future (now, present) opposite to what you have experienced.

Thank you Ma, for always making ways and means despite all the odds.  Sometimes, it’s like impossible but you did it all like magic!

Thank you Ma, for always asking us how we are, for your genuine concern for Baby Kate, for always checking on us and helping us fix something that needs fixing.

Thank you Ma, for always thinking about us, for always being there for us, for adjusting your schedules to fit to ours though you have more commitments than we do.

Thank you Ma, for the delicious and healthy meals every single day.

Thank you Ma, for the afternoon breaks (coffee & bread) with you, of course, for the chit chats in between the gulps.

Thank you Ma, for putting up a brave front every time things get tough.

Thank you Ma, for being honest to us when we stray a bit so we won’t get really lost.

Thank you Ma, for speaking for us when you think you just have to, for us, to really feel we are being backed up.

Thank you Ma, for crying with us everytime we’re hurting.

Thank you Ma, for a lot more things I didn’t write here, not because I can’t recall them but because I’m running out of time and have to attend to Baby Kate.

Thank you Ma for everything that you are and you are not.

I love you very very much.  I always pray to GOD that HE keeps you always safe, healthy and happy.  I love you, really.  I love you.

HUGS. KISSES.

Thank you Ma.  Have a  VERY HAPPY Birthday.  I hope you know for a certainty that in my heart and mind, YOU ARE THE BEST!  Please do have a break sometimes.

It was around 7pm when I experienced slight stomach pains.  We (me & hubby) were yet on our way home from a home visit cum exercise.  I already had the feeling that the pain was already the start of everything.  From around 9pm though, I made several trips to the CR and dismissed the thought that I was gonna deliver my baby soon because I had diarrhea.  I kept visiting the toilet as often as every 10 minutes – at times, it’s like diarrhea, at times, it wasn’t diarrhea at all.  The feeling of the possibility hit me again.

I was told that prior to the actual delivery, a gush of water or blood is supposed to flow.  So, I waited for that before admitting to hubby that I was indeed in labor.  Of course, he asked me several times but I kept telling him that I wasn’t yet in labor.

At around 1 a.m. though, the pain got almost unbearable and the frequency got higher.  I felt the pain as often as every five minutes and each lasted for about a minute.  I kept waiting for the gush of water or blood to flow.

At around 3 a.m., despite the absence of water or blood overflowing, I finally gave in to hubby’s suggestion that we call my mom (who slept in my sister’s house).   I actually didn’t want to disturb my mom and hoped to call her at around 6 a.m. (when I wouldn’t have to disturb her from sleeping).  We climbed upstairs and I phoned my mom.  I got scolded for not calling earlier.  She had me take a bath and wait for her.  I had hubby prepare my stuff.

After about 30 minutes, my mom arrived and we rushed to the hospital.  I phoned my OB on our way.

We arrived at the hospital around 4 a.m.  After submitting all the relevant papers and answering a few questions, I was inside the Labor Room dressed in a lab gown.  We were only 2 in that room.  The other one, I’ve learned, had been in labor for 3 days already (I wouldn’t want that!).

So, I washed my genitals again (slowly, whenever the pain slowed down).  A nurse attended to me and asked several questions, which I found so annoying, because I was in pain and the answers could be found in the papers I have submitted.  I answered her though, whenever I could manage.

They called my OB.  At around 5a.m, I was dilating at 2cm.  I felt bad for that because 10 cm was obviously yet too far.  I was given my breakfast but I couldn’t take it anymore.  It’s damn too painful.  Indescribably painful.

I was twisting and turning, babbling words, begging Baby Kate to stop the pain and come out easily, praying. I was inhaling and exhaling.  Several thoughts came running through – such as

• I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!
• WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME THIS IS HOW PAINFUL IT IS?
• WHY DO SOME WOMEN GIVE BIRTH TO A LOT OF BABIES?
• I SHOULD TELL THE NURSE NEXT TO ME THAT GIVING BIRTH TO A CHILD IS DAMN TO PAINFUL (CAUTIONING HER)
• BEG TO HAVE A C-SECTION

At around 8 a.m, my OB arrived and gave a lecture on the phases of labor (which I already knew because I was reading the info from the chart facing my bed). She told me that I could  still be on phase 1 and probably will have to go home to wait for more hours (maybe, a day).  She had me take my breakfast but I refused.  Finally, she checked on me and announced that I was dilating at 7cm.  We decided that I give birth at that.  She force-broke my bag of water.  She taught me a trick and coached me along the way.  A few minutes later, I was rushed to the Delivery Room.

I pushed hard as per my OB’s instruction.  After 3 pushes accompanied by a simulatenous cut (by my OB), Baby Kate was out and crying.  That’s at 8:47 a.m.

OMG!  I couldn’t believe it.  She was placed on top of my empty tummy – so pale, so innocent, so adorable, so real.

I was cleansed and stitched and my eyes were moving from Baby Kate being cleansed to the mirror showing the stitching-in-progress.  I never got tired. Without being asked, I told the nurse that we’ve got our own baby soap and requested that she use it instead of the soap that the hospital provides (to avoid skin allergy which happened to my nephew).

Baby Kate was brought to the Nursery Room and I, to the Recovery Room.  I was wide awake the whole time.

After an hour, I saw hubby from a glass door, waiting outside. I felt so excited (to tell him everything) and felt weak all at once.  Knowing I could finally seek comfort from him made me weaker. He was smiling, looking so proud of me. I was pushed to my private room and my mom and mom-in-law were there.

going to my private room

They were all so excited to hear from me as I was so excited to take the center stage.

We ate lunch together and talked a lot.  I texted my friends.  I had a few visitors.  I kept rewinding my story.  I never got tired and was so wide awake and so full of energy that I never even took a nap.

Later, in the afternoon, we (me and hubby) took a trip to the Nursery Room – I was permitted to go inside while hubby was only musing us from the glass window.  Poor hubby!

taken from the glass window

Before we retire for the night (around 9pm), we went to check on our angel again.  I tried to breastfeed her but I was yet without milk.  Even at this point, hubby was unable see Baby Kate up close.

At around 6 a.m, I woke up & went straight to the shower room to take a bath and then we had breakfast.  I went to the Nursery Room and after some discussions with my OB and pedia,  I queued at the Billing Section(while hubby and mom were doing their tasks).  And yes, we’re out from the hospital immediately after.  Hubby FINALLY got his chance of meeting Baby Kate up close and personal.  Yay! Awesome!  Of course, the stitches were still painful but I knew I would be fine.

I felt everything – the cut made by my OB (on mine), the stitches, etc. but all of these are nothing (i.e. you felt it but it seemed rather painless) compared to the pain of being in labor. And no, I didn’t have painkillers. Hah!  Women are tough!