it scares me now
November 30, 2009 
It used to be an exciting thing to receive an SMS from my family back home. Even a simple, “hi, how are you doing?” would make me smile. Logging in to some software to receive an SMS, is one of the first things I would do every morning.
It used to excite me. Used to. But now that there are some sort of bad news that come from time to time, receiving an SMS scares me, gets my heart beating so fast.
I would ask my folks how they are doing (updates on my cousin especially) but then I’m too scared to read all the answers.
Twilight: New Moon, striking lines
November 30, 2009 
(1) Bella to Jacob, kinda torn between two lovers
Bella: Jake, I love you. Please don’t make me choose. You know it has always been him.
(Ouch, ouch)
(2) Bella to Edward on wanting to become a vampire herself
Bella: Take my soul. I don’t want it without you.
(This is love making her crazy.)
(3) Bella to Jacob when she hit her head while driving a motorcycle
Bella: You are sort of beautiful.
Jacob: How hard did you hit your head?
(Funny, ha? But then he wanted to believe her.)
(4) A Volturi to Edward, wondering how Edward could resist the smell of her blood
a Volturi: How can you stand so close to her?
Edward: It’s not without difficulty.
My officemate recommended this movie to me. That time, Part 2 wasn’t yet shown. He had a copy of Part 1 and shared it to me. He refered to the movie as “Toilet“. 
This makes this movie a little more unforgettable to me.
So, we watched “Twilight: New Moon” last week at a movie theater. It’s my first time (and hubby’s too) to watch a movie in a movie house. Maybe it’s because we have copies of movies to watch at home, it’s quite expensive watching in a movie house and we feel watching movies at home is a lot more comfortable. But then, it wouldn’t hurt if we try. Right?
And Twilight is perfectly the movie to watch in a movie house. Why? Because the background music/sound effects, cinematography, lines delivered are too good to be missed (by using a laptop). With the big screen and excellent sound effects, the movie becomes so close to real.
Twilight: New Moon is about how love can make you do crazy things, how you do everything all for the sake of love, how life seems so meaningless without the love of your life.
It’s a relief I’m not inlove with someone other than my kind. But then, I guess this applies to persons that we are in love with that our parents are not for, also. This applies to those we love that we have to fight for. That’s when a Bella comes out of us.
I’ll leave you with Edward and Bella’s photo…
Note: Photo taken from here.
cavernous angioma: my cousin’s case, an update
November 24, 2009 
To recap, my cousin was diagnosed with Cavernous Angioma (brain lesion), a few weeks ago. While it’s advisable to remove the lesion, it’s also not guaranteed that the lesion will be removed safely (without touching the neighboring useful brain cells-for motor skills, memory, etc). A single mistake would ruin her vision, motor, memory, and/or other skills forever. While the lesion is there though, there is a high chance for the seizure to occur (and it’s frequently occuring now). Seizure is a sign of a bleeding lesion and when it bleeds, it increases in size. There’s a medication for the seizure but then, it’s causing her to be really drowsy and she vomits. This medicine would also slowly cause her to have double vision, be extremely thin or fat, lose her memory (amnesia), etc (as described here). The medicine was changed to another but the same side effects await.
We are resorting to healing prayers and acupuncture while slowly lowering her dose of the anti-seizure medication. The acupuncture doctor assured them that he can handle it and it’s not going to be that hard. So, for 2 nights, they slept a little well. On her second acupuncture session though, she had seizures again. So again, removing the lesion seemed to be the best solution.
My cousin is unwilling to undergo the operation because she has done her research and therefore she knows what she is gonna go through, the certainty level and all that. Her mom doesn’t want her too but her dad is on the other side of the court – most willing. Imagine when you have split decisions in the family and you are to make a really big decision – life is at stake. Nothing really gets done. Nothing really. This only spells TROUBLE. Big TROUBLE.
pregnancy: puking to the highest level
This morning is the worst morning I’ve ever had since getting preggy.
We woke up late for anything like milk and bread. So, we just took a shower and dressed up. I usually drink my vitamins in the morning (although both say I should be taking it with my main meal, which is lunch), because I feel this is the time I am most capable of taking them. My sickness is an afternoon/evening sickness, so an after-lunch intake wouldn’t work (high chance of throwing them up).
Since I took nothing for breakfast, I did not pick my vits. But hubby wanted me to drink them. I’ll have bread and milk at the office anyway (that’s 5 minutes after we left the flat) so, I did.
We were walking very very fast and talking too when suddenly I feel my body shaking with my stomach tightening and my throat feeling filled and clogged. I stopped. I shivered. I threw up. But nothing. Just air. Disgusted. Then I threw up all the water that I took, 2 glasses or more. Crystal clear. My stomach tightened, tears in my eyes. It felt really really bad. We walked again and stopped. I sit somewhere in the parking area of a mall to vomit properly. And then we walked and stopped (to keep vomiting).
So, it’s now officially a mixture of evening and morning sickness. Could be because I took the vits with an empty stomach. Could be.
This is the worst so far. I hope this culminates this sickness stage.
6 long years of lies
wife: how could you destroy everything that we built for 6 years?
huz: we haven’t built any…
wife: (what?!?!)
huz: i’m sorry i can not make you happy because i myself am not with you.
wife: (all those 6 years are just lies?)
huz: i have to find my own happiness first.
and then he’s gone. forever.
six years of marriage in exchange for someone new. someone he met just 2 weeks ago.
some people…
Some people would do everything to put the blame on others when in fact the mistake belong to them.
Some people would raise their voices to the highest to shut the other party up, to deceive the bystanders/audiences into thinking that they are right.
While some people? Yes, some, just can’t keep up.
These are some of the people around me today. And I wanted so much to scream or to take my turn when silence was given (No, I am directly involve in the fight but I am for what is right, I am for the oppressed). But I know I can’t keep up just the same. Pointless. Useless. Especially when you’re fighting with someone whose ears are close, someone who only listens to the sound of his own voice, who wants to talk only to his own self.
This is my second job in this country. So far, the shouting is common. For them though, shouting is normal, putting the blame on others is normal. Whoever has the higher voice wins the game. I don’t think this comes with proper education. But then, what do I expect from people with no proper education? They are only boasting of their imaginary degrees. I don’t understand but they would do anything and everything for the money. They refused to earn it the proper way though. Well, not all, but most of them.
Tanong ko sa kasama ko: Bakit ba tayo nagpapaganito, —-?
Sagot: Eh, kasi, wala tayong kwarta sa Pinas. Hindi tayo kikita ng ganito sa Pinas…
A slap but true. We’re hanging and holding still because of this. A lot are. We are not earning much but still we are earning amounts we can not earn in the Philippines.
Sana alam ng gobyerno natin/namin. Yong iba mas malala pa ang experience. Tapos, ang dali-dali lang nilang gastusin ang pera natin. Halimbawa nalang ang (alleged ) na 1 million pesos na ipinambayad ng dinner nila sa isang mamahaling restaurant. E kasi daw alangan namang hotdog ang ipakain nila sa mga me pwesto. Sana mag-iisip isip din sila. Sana makonsensya din sila. Kahit slight lang. Kahit slight lang.
Naalala ko tuloy nong nag-PDOS ako. Sabi ng speaker, para sa mga taga-ibang bansa (of course not all), ang mga Pinoy ay expendable. Isalang mo sa mabibigat na trabaho, ipasok mo sa delikadong kwarto (kung saan may mga chemical). Matapos ang isang taon (or less), magkakasakit yan. Mataas ang posibilidad. Kung magkasakit man, iuwi mo sa Pinas. Libre mo ng pamasahe. Tapusin mo ang kontrata niya kasi hindi na siya fit to work. Papalitan at papalitan yan. Hindi mangyayaring hindi. Kasi maraming stock of laborers ang Pinas, maraming walang trabaho.
Noong time na yon, affected ako pero slight lang. Kasi maganda naman ang trabahong pupuntahan ko. Maganda naman talaga. Pero ngayon, aminin ko, affected ako, masyado, kasi, I’m beginning to feel I’m one of them. Maraming Pinoy ang magara ang sweldo at trabaho (most of them, hindi masyadong affected) pero mas marami ang naghihirap, nagpapakaalipin. Tiis lang tiis… kasi walang malipatan, lalo na yong mga hindi naman mataas ang pinag-aralan. Maswerte na nga at may trabaho. Pinag-aralan nalang kung papaano magiging manhid. Sakay nalang. Ignore the pain nalang. Ignore the maltreatment. Ignore. But there are stages to that. Before you learn to ignore, you feel the pain. Kasi hindi ka naman gago. Hindi ka naman ipinanganak sa paligid na nagsisigawan kahit wala ka namang mali. Hindi ka naman pinapagalitan kung wala ka namang kasalanan. Gago lang ang hindi nasasaktan. Masasaktan at masasaktan ka, bago ka masanay.
downgrading windows 7 to xp
Now I know, downgrading an Operating System from Windows 7 to Windows XP (and I think Windows Vista to Windows XP too) isn’t as easy as booting from the CD/DVD Drive, formatting and so on.
My boss bought a Dell 1545 laptop (priced at 2,100 dirhams = 571.82 USD, but he paid only 1,700 dhs = 462.90 USD) that came pre-installed with Windows 7. The graphical user interface is pretty good however, it would perform better with Windows XP (especially with visual effects set to adjust for best performance). After making up his mind, I went with him to the Electronic Store to have the OS replaced. It would cost him 800 dirhams(217 USD) though. Almost half the laptop’s price!
So, we took the laptop back and he had me do it instead. I thought it’s as easy as formatting a hard disk with XP and reinstalling XP. So, I did the expected- had the system boot from a Windows XP CD. Formatting and installation got completed, however, the system won’t boot. It gave me a blue screen (with a hex code error, 0×000007b and messages relating to the hard disk), automatically restarted and gave me a blue screen again. Infinitely. Although, I still could boot from the CD if I opted to.
Just like what I always do when things that I have proven to be working won’t work for the first time, I did what I did all over again. But the same thing happened. I tried several times and sometimes before the installation even gets completed, a blue screen would appear (the same error).
At this point, one thing is crystal clear – Windows 7 is gone (the laptop didn’t come with an OS disk) and Windows XP ain’t coming (just not…yet).
Ah, maybe the system is configured only for Windows 7. Shoot! I have already deleted the OS. I’m doomed!
What makes Windows 7 so different from Windows XP that I can not downgrade? To my dismay, I don’t know. But I am still sure, it’s doable. I mean, why not?
The boss kept calling (he’s usually out for meetings) to be updated of his laptop’s status (you know how exciting it is to have a new toy and it’s an added excitement when you keep delaying its usage). I was dismayed to inform him that I scrapped the original OS already but couldn’t install the desired one.
I was so confident I could do it. I did it several times before. Shoot!
When I ran out of ideas, I decided to ask the net. Why not? People might have experienced the same problem. Most likely. I mean, for sure, I am not the only who wants to downgrade a Windows OS. So, finally, I asked Mr. Google and he gave me the answer I needed. Jackpot!
How to? Go to BIOS Settings (Hit a function key, F12 or F8 or anything depending on your system, before it boots from CD). Change SATA Device Operation from AHCI to ATA. Save. And all goes well. Boot from CD again, format, install.
Cool.
Somehow getting this job done took me away from my pregnancy sickness. ‘ Twas challenging and exciting. ‘Twas fun, though, only at the end.
Note: Laptop photo taken from Dell.
medicine that damages more than cure
My cousin who’s suffering from Cavernous Angioma (story posted here) is taking Depakote to prevent seizures. No one researched about the medicine until today (They buy the medicine in tablet form and no sheet of info comes everytime, just tablets, as if you are buying a paracetamol) . We were all for what the doctor said – prevent the seizures from happening. She has been taking this medicine for almost a month. Days ago, my cousin was complaining that she gets extremely sleepy. So, they went to visit the doctor again and he prescribed another medicine. They bought it and my cousin was about to take it when they noticed a long list of negative side effects. Only when I was advised by my mom of the first medicine did we come to realize how dangerous the previous medicine was (the second one, equally alarming).
If you check this page, you will see this list. The following are the common side effects:
- Shakiness (tremors) — in up to 57 percent of people
- Nausea — up to 48 percent
- Headaches — up to 31 percent
- Drowsiness — up to 30 percent
- Vomiting — up to 27 percent
- Weakness — up to 27 percent
- Dizziness — up to 25 percent.
- Hair loss (see Depakote and Hair Loss)
- Abdominal pain (or stomach pain)
- Diarrhea or constipation
- Flu symptoms, such as a fever or chills
- Infections
- Double vision
- Insomnia (see Depakote and Insomnia)
- Indigestion or heartburn
- Blurred vision
- Nervousness
- Weight gain (see Depakote and Weight Gain)
- Back pain
- Coordination problems
- Uncontrollable eye movements
- Swelling or water retention in the arms, legs, or feet
- Memory loss (amnesia)
- Ringing in the ears (tinnitus)
- Increased appetite or loss of appetite
- A fever
- Emotional problems
- Weight loss.
Serious Side Effects:
- Depression
- Signs of liver damage, such as yellow eyes or skin (jaundice)
- Signs of pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas), such as:
-
- Severe abdominal pain (or stomach pain)
- Nausea and vomiting
- Loss of appetite
- Worsening of seizures
- Low body temperature (below 95 degrees F), known as hypothermia
- Unexplained bruising or bleeding
- Signs of an allergic reaction, including unexplained rash, hives, itching, and unexplained swelling
-
Suicidal thinking or behavior (see Seizure Medications and Suicide).
The medicine is for seizure prevention and yet its side effects listed that seizures can worsen. More than that, the list is long enough for us to be doubtful whether or not we should let my cousin drink it. I mean, would you let your child drink a medicine such as this, if it seems more harmful than useful? The doctor sure knows what he is doing but it doesn’t mean that he knows better. Yes, he is trying to cure/prevent seizure because this is the current main complaint. He will find some other medicines when my cousin will complain of hair loss and then another, when my cousin complains of loss of appetite or the opposite thereof and yet another, when my cousin complains of loss of memory and the medicine would go endlessly.
Sometimes, I think it’s better if we just let things be there rather than do something that could worsen it (cause more damage). But then, it’s a matter of trying also. But trying can sometimes be dangerous (i.e. we will never know if my cousin will have memory loss/amnesia until she’s there.)
My cousin has made up her mind, she won’t take the medicine anymore. She doesn’t want to forget the things that she will study for an exam. Her parents are now puzzled. What really is the best thing to do?!?!
There are only two things to do now – take it or leave it. Tough one!
(P.S. We have not decided yet whether or not to push through with surgery.)
pregnancy: monthly report
We went to visit (regular) my OB yesterday. My dear OB wasn’t at all alarmed with my spotting. It probably is just normal. Obviously, she has heard this a million times before. Of course, she made a few reminders for me to be careful about but nothing as bad as a bed rest for a week.
I lost a kg but no worries I will gain this back (and even more) after this stage. My hemoglobin is low but I was given a supplement for that. My BP is normal at 117/79 mmHg.
I was right away directed to the bed, made to lie down and had ultrasound. We saw the baby again moving and moving! His/her hands are waving and his/her legs are moving. Last month, he/she just looked like a lump of blood but now, he’s/she’s complete (or almost). It’s really like magic seeing someone inside of you. I told my OB that the baby looks exactly like hubby and we were all laughing.
The proud dad boasted of how our little angel has grown. He wanted to show the photo taken but I didn’t bring it in the afternoon (when we resume to work). I told him people won’t understand it anyway – I mean, it’s black and white and it’s quite small so, all you will do is point to them where’s the head, the hands, the toes. I don’t think that would interest them, especially, men. Nothing can stop him though.
I love it when my husband is very very excited of our baby. I love that he is so concern everytime I don’t feel well and that he doesn’t mind doing most of the chores at home because I easily get tired especially when I get nauseous. I’m hoping he won’t get tired of me and that he’d be a good father – you know, play with our child even if he’s tired from work…he may not feel like doing it sometimes, but he’ll do it anyway kind of thing.
(The baby is 12 weeks old.)
bloodspotting, is this to be worried about?
I thought it’s just another bout of afternoon-evening sickness. It’s 5pm. My abdomen was terribly disturbing me. It’s like there’s trouble inside (like the residents of my abdomen despised the presence of each other). I sat still on my chair, continued doing my job and paused once in a while everytime the trouble reached its peak. Then I felt wet. Sweat perhaps? Or…? Abdomen painful still. It’s 7:10pm when I left the office. I was already short of breathing when I walked out. My lips were pale and dry.
Hubby was with me though so I knew I was safe.
But hubby scheduled a meeting with a friend and the friend was waiting already. I wanted to go home ahead but still managed to go with him- fixed the friend’s laptop problem and ate something with his friend for like 20 minutes. Then we went home.
Abdomen was still in trouble, no more peaks though.
We brushed our teeth and then I peed. There, I saw the blood (enough to fill the undie). I was right after all.
The pain remained until around midnight. Maybe it went beyond that but then, I fell asleep so, that’s how far I could recall.
This is the fourth (or fifth) time I experienced this. The first two were only minimal (about 5 dots). On the third, there were like 3 big drops after I peed. Then the one last night (the worst). I used to just don’t mind it because I thought it’s just fine but dear sister says I might need a bed rest. Oh! How I despise that!
I’ll be seeing my doctor tomorrow though. She might give me some medicines to keep the baby where he/she should be.
Have you experienced or heard about this? Can you tell me if it’s just normal or something to be worried about? Yes, I’ve done my research too.
Oh, and if you ask me whether or not I am worried, I say, A BIT, last night but not anymore. I still believe that the baby is fine. I’m positive about that. Not a single thought of negativity.
