I’m beginning to think this pregnancy happens at the wrong time. And God forgive me, and my little angel too, but I really am feeling this isn’t right. Yet.

October 1991. My Auntie was rushed to a public hospital. But then, she was transfered to a better hospital hours after their arrival. Traffic jam was beyond heavy at that time. My uncle, who’s a driver by profession (school bus driver), wanted to take the steering wheel from the ambulance driver and drive the ambulance himself. But no, not good. So, he went off and beg for the drivers around to give way. He was crying and begging. His child and wife’s lives are in danger. If you’re a driver and you saw him that time, you’d be touched and you’d move away to give way. Finally, they went home. I was waiting for them. I was assigned to help my Auntie. We were rejoicing. It’s a bouncing baby girl!

Then auntie became pregnant of their second baby. She was scheduled for a C-Section so she went to see her doctor the day prior. And then the next day, she left, with my mom and my uncle. The very next day, they came back. But we were not rejoicing. The atmosphere was gloomy. The baby, inside a box. He’s dead. He died the day before his scheduled birth, inside the womb.

So, my bouncing baby girl cousin remained the only child. She’s the most precious child in my place. Everyone, from relatives to merely neighbors adore her. She is so brilliant and never a bitch, her parents, the humblest.

Every year, on her birthday, they would have a celebration, like a feast, for all the neighbors and relatives. This is the only time in a year that her family celebrates something this way. The rest are celebrated very simply with just the three of them (New Year, Christmas, parent’s birthday…).

She went school.   She became top one and had her first medal at 3 years old. Then she graduated Valedictorian – Pre-School, Elementary, and High School. She ranks first on the (all) Engineering Dean’s List at the University of San Carlos. She is a Chemical Engineering student and is under a US-organization Scholarship.

She turned 18 last October 7.  Days after her birthday (and final exams), she was rushed to the hospital for seizures.  A blood clot was found. She underwent machine tests and for a day, we were relieved that the doctors didn’t find anything abnormal other than the clot. We were speculating it was just due to overfatigue because to sleepless nights of studying for her finals. Yesterday though, our world turned into pieces. She had MRI. And then, shockingly, she was diagnosed with Cavernous Angioma (Pituitary Lesion)! We may have options (2 or 1), but all of them, while obviously costing our lives, do not guarantee a thing.

Three years ago, my dad died of cancer.  Months ago, my father in-law had heart attack for heart enlargement.  And now, this comes (at the time I thought pregnancy is perfectly at the right time).  This is too heavy to handle.

Lord, rescue us.  Please rescue us.  This is way beyond our strength.  Why can’t we breath fresh air for a long time?  Can you turn all of this into just a bad dream?  Can you wake us up? Can you help us strengthen our faith?  Can you carry this for us because we can not anymore make it?  And can you hold and shield my little angel while I cry?  Please,  Lord God, say, yes.