the reason for her heartbreak

she called me up. i knew her heart was broken. we agreed to meet at the church.  we sat on the grass. she told me everything. they broke up. he told her he was actually in love with her sister, not with her. i felt the pain. i didn’t know what to say. i just had to be there for her. i just had to comfort her, listen to her, hug her, wipe her tears.

i wish i knew what to say. but how could i, when i was the reason?

still, it hurts

MIL (future) paid a visit to my mom.  She felt she had to talk to my mom.  It’s tradition.  It’s culture.

So they talked about what they had to talk. Although they both knew it.  They just had to talk about it, as parents.

“I knew she(me) will eventually have to leave me.  I just didn’t think it would come this soon.” Then tears came running mama’s cheeks.

reality strikes

it’s officially winter. lovely but…. i’m shivering… (grrrr). but i need to enjoy the sight of ice falling from the sky. i might not have this chance again. and who knows i’ll long for this.

who knows?

lessons i’ve learned

These are a few of lessons I’ve learned and I believe strongly.

(1) you can never help someone who isn’t doing a thing to help himself.

(2) there is a difference between helping and being the main support. if you stop helping and the receiver gets disabled, you weren’t actually helping.

(3) your plans for someone is as good as nothing if that someone is not willing to execute it.

(4) journey as if you don’t have someone to lean on. you’d be more careful.

(5) don’t just go. know where you exactly wanna go and head there. making dreams a reality does not happen by chance nor by accident.

(6) when planning, consider worst case scenarios. life is full of surprises, including undesirable ones.

until it’s gone

truly, you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. this i realized (again) after reading blogs of cancer victims. well, because it’s already big deal to them that they can lift a hairdryer and a comb while it’s so normal to us (to me, at least). it’s a big deal to them going upstairs without holding the railings. it’s a big deal, just being able to tie showlaces.

sometimes, it takes discomfort, for us to realize how comfortable life has been.

i tell you, you are so lucky if you visit the toilet everyday and are successful there (you know what i mean) for i don’t have that privilege anymore.

i used to get annoyed at the feeling (urge) of having to visit the toilet. we all know it can sometimes (if not, most of time) be disturbing. but i miss it now, i miss toilet success moments… didn’t know i’d miss that! (till i lost it)

funny? NO (else, you don’t indeed know what you got).

underused

what’s the use of all those features if we’re not gonna use them, anyway?

it costs a lot because it’s beautiful and talented and yet we’re using it as if it doesn’t have talent and beauty at all.

you’re kidding me. we had better bought the raw one.

this is a piece of my complain to the one who suggested not using the skill sets embedded in our DSP (IC), instead we do it the long and native way. for me, it’s stupid!

interviewing the son-in-law

Would you believe that you guys know first the engagement before my mom? Yeah. That is me surprising my family again. It’s because I do not have the guts to tell my mom. I hated it breaking this type of news to her. I am a mama’s girl. Obviously. And for mama, even if I am already 27 (time flies fast!), I am yet her little girl. So, I know it’s gonna hurt her (although I know she’s gonna be happy for me).Honey kept telling me to inform my mom but I kept delaying it. I was there (back home) when I accepted the engagement and yet I didn’t tell her (and my sisters). I didn’t know how to.Honey asked me to tell my mom ASAP or else, he’ll be the one to break the news. I didn’t want him to do that because my mom needs me to do that. She told us all before that we should do it ourselves so that she won’t be shocked when the guy asks for her (their) permission. She wanted to ready her emotion and what she will say (to the man).So, last night, I called them up (my sisters and mama) and finally broke the news. For a second or two, she was silent. And then she asked me questions. And then I told her that honey’s gonna call. And then she told me that she’ll ask him questions. She needed assurances. She brought up money matters, usual problems with in-laws, etc., to see how my honey would handle them.

Honey called her up. He was interrogated until honey ran out of credits (international prepaid card’s). So they continued by sending each other SMS. Honey forwarded those conversation to me. Mama told him that she never wanted me to be disrespected, that no matter how many times I (actually, all of us, her children) get married, I will always be her daughter and she wouldn’t allow any form of disrespect done to me because we’ve only met when we’re already adults.

Of course what she asks is impossible. There will be a lot of instances that we won’t be able to escape disrespecting each other or being dispected by our in-laws. But mama cites instances she can’t tolerate and would fight for me and although honey answered all those questions, mama knows, we will never know until we’re there, but at least, she’s able to say it all.

My father was never the kind of husband that my mom asked of my honey. My bros-in-law have their own flaws too. We, her children (as wives or girlfriends), likewise, have ours, as she has her own (as a wife, a mother or mother-in-law). But my mom wants us to learn from all those mistakes we see, instead of repeating them ourselves. And we (honey and I) understand her. Completely.

I am so touched.