hands now tied

While roaming around SM (ShoeMart) with my bestfriend, honey sent an SMS telling me (for the nth time) to check my email. I was planning to visit his family but since he asked me to go online and chat with him, i instead visited an internet cafe and asked her mom to join me.

I went to check my mail and in my Inbox are spam emails and one from him. I opened the mail and it said, “Happy Monthsary Honey”. I downloaded the video that came with it and played it with his mom behind me and my bestfriend beside me. The video had our pictures when we were still kids when we were still college students, photos of us with my family, my graduation pic, etc, with a love song on the background. We (me, his mom and my best friend) were laughing seeing those photos of us. I think it’s sweet. There were words coming one by one, forming a message, flowers, and finally, him holding a ring. I quit laughing, got serious. OMG! I didn’t know what to say because I was surprised and I was with his mom, in an internet cafe. How’s that?!?!

He kept on asking for my answer and his mom was smiling, kinda like telling me to accept the proposal, telling me it’s already the right time for us to settle down. Honey, on the other hand, was surrounded by his housemates who were as excited for him as he was. But it’s kinda awkward to talk about it there. The place wasn’t right.

He called me up when I got home and, yes, i said, “YES, I would be Mrs. _______”.

So, my hands are now tied (but not yet locked) after 7 years and 3 months of relationship with him.

hiphop with thearty

At 7am today, i met thearty michael at the gym. i joined their hiphop class and we had breakfast together with miss shy and the rest of thearty’s gang. then i had an italian lunch with my bestfriend at SM. We shopped a little for my godchildren and dear bestfriend got my niece a talking barney.

 

i enjoyed today’s hiphop and i plan to enrol. i need a nice interesting way to sweat.

reunion with ex-officemates

it feels differently good to be home. i awake at the sight of my mom preparing breakfast and my cute niece playing while listening to kiddie music.i’m really home. i had milk and bread for breakfast. and minutes later, we had malunggay vegetable soup and grilled dried fish as i requested. then off i went to process my OFW papers for my return to japan.

i met ex-officemates and had dinner with them. tried catching up with their lives especially with work, since these are things i could still relate. after the dinner, my best friend, coyie, arrived and we went to my place together with mayen. after a little of story-telling, we’re sleeping like dead.

arriving in surprise

Review: I told my mom to pick my friend up from the airport coz she’s bringing with her my gifts for them (my family). My mom is already used to this since whenever someone from our hometown goes home, we always ask him to bring some stuff for our family. And my mom did meet with these messengers for 3 times already. I didn’t tell her I’m gonna be home too.

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Guia went out of the airport first and she went back and told me she saw my mom. I felt nervous and so excited. I went out then saw my family – two sisters, my one-year old niece and my mom. I was crying while running to them. And they were too. And then we’re hugging each other, crying still. Man! I love that feeling – surprised and happy and being teary-eyed.

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I had that moment vividly recorded in my memory so I could play that all over again especially when I miss them.

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My Uncle arrived minutes after that, we drove to Mariott Hotel to deliver a camera, to UP to pick my cousin up and then we had dinner.

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I can’t believe I’m finally home!

a prayer request

My friend Heather requested this for her friend Kate over at A Brain Tumor Story.

Kate is having another brain surgery today at 11 am to remove the right front lobe of her brain. I want to have people praying for her and her surgical team during that time, but also praying for her husband and her little boys. Her mom is taking care of the boys while she recovers, so she needs our prayers too.

Also, I would like to spread the word today. If you feel so led, will you make a post about it on your blog.

She has graciously put a list of specific prayer requests on her blog for every individual in her family.

Thank you.

for things we can’t control…

We had a dinner meeting last night with our agent. He relayed how bad his days had been these past few days. And how he wanted to end the problem that he wanted the next day not to break anymore. That tomorrow never comes.

 

With all his might he wanted to solve the problem but he just can’t. There are no visible solutions so far despite his efforts. And he feels so ashamed. This shame is consuming him. I told him, there are really things we just can not solve and face on our own. There are really times when our efforts and knowledge just won’t suffice. These are the times when we just have to pause and trust HIM. I told him that tomorrow is gonna be a brand new day; that even if there seems to be no solution to the problem, there really are solutions. We just have to trust HIM and wait. Patiently.

 

But he said he’s not a Christian and that he has no GOD so he only has himself and no one else.

 

He said He wanted to end things. He made sounds of bombs. And said that with it, problem ends.

 

How very sad is it for people who do not acknowledge that GOD exists? How very sad is it for people to only trust on their own knowledge and capabilities and give up when things are beyond their control, when it’s a shame not to meet other people’s standards, when the pain is too much to bear?

 

The pain. The burden. When these are too much to handle, we can let go of them. The reason why they are breaking us up is that we do not give them up to The One who is in control. We hold them dear until they consume our being.

 

Ain’t it wonderful to know that Someone stands still when all else has fallen? He is the pilot, the driver. He is in control. He knows exactly which way to go. We are merely passengers. We can only take the ride and see as far as our eyes can see. Beyond that, are surprises. When we can not see, we just have to trust. Why not?

random thoughts

(1) There’s a difference between struggling to do right and automatically (yes, without pondering) doing wrong (as if it is what is right). Just like giving up without even (or thinking of) giving a try?

(2) We sin by doing something and yet still sin by not doing something (when it is called for). This is called the sin of commission and omission.

(3) The world changes its norms and standards. Yet the truth remains the truth, though its popularity fades (and gets overwritten) with time.

(4) Happiness isn’t directly proportional to righteousness. I can be happy and/or cause someone to be happy (and seem not to hurt anyone) by doing something stupid.

explaining those tears

The sight of Christmas decorations at the church brought joy to my heart.  It’s Christmas.  So soon.  Everyone were in their most cheerful faces.

We were starting the Service by singing “Hark The Herald” followed by “The First Noel“, both in Japanese version.

“Noel Noel born is the King of Israel….“

Tears came running down my cheeks.  The hurt.  The pain.  It’s all coming back.  The song.  It reminded me of how we attended Dawn Holy Masses (every year) days before the breaking of the 25th of December, together, as a family; of how we sat beside each other singing praises and saying our prayers.  This reminded me of us. And it hurts.  Still. Because, now, the “us” is incomplete, because he’s missing.  My dad. And no matter how hard i divert my attention to some relieving thoughts, there was no escape.

So, I let my heart’s sweat (tears) out, tried my best not to create any noise.

The song.  The sound of it brings joy. Yet it shatters my heart.

God… it ain’t gonna be the same.