gikapoy man ko
October 31, 2007 
abi nako ba, sakto na akong pag-recharge pag-weekend, dili man diay. gikapoy man gihapon ko karon. as in sakit kaayo akong kalawasan.
kay ngano man?
kay dugay kaayo ko nakatulog gabii.
kay ngano man?
kay naay nanawag.
grabe, nagtan-aw ko’g desperate housewives, ba, nibagting bitaw akong telepono. abi nako’g akong uyab ang nanawag kay nag-txt2x man mi katong mga orasa, dili diay. english paka man. si marcin diay.
kinsa si marcin?
taga google, zurich.
nahibulong jud ko nganong nanawag siya. ingon ko biyernes pa man among sabot sa recruiter. oktober 30. ingon siya, oktober 30, bitaw ron, dili lang biyernes. bang! saon? nagtuo jud ko na biyernes ang oktobre 30. ang amo man gong sabot sa recruiter kay biyernes. so, nagtuo na dayon ko nga biyernes ang iyang gi-iskedyul nako. pastang karata! unya alas 10:30 sa gabii pa jud tong among sabot. nitawag si marcin kay alas 11:30 na man. so, wala jud ko nagtuo…
mao to, niingon siya tawag lang siya ug balik. ingon ko sige nalang oi. total wala man gihapon koy matubag bisan karon o dili. mao to, nagpadayon mi.
wala may lami kay wala man ko katubag ug sakto sa iyang pangutana, dili nalang nako isuwat ngari kay maulaw ko. hehe. bitaw, simple ra kaayo iyang pangutana. basta gipa-code ko niya online. dayon, wa jud ko katarung ug code. wa jud koy ayo. hehe. pero ok ra. maayo nalang to, nakasuway ko.
sour-graping!
bitaw. tinuod. ok ra kaayo nako. kabalo man ko na dili ko ingon ana ka maayo aning akong ginabuhat oi. pinugos jud ning akong pag-code2x ngari. para lang ni naay trabaho (ug naay kwarta). pero sugot ra sad ko’g mailad sila nako oi. wa juy blema. pero basin mabuang ko ngadto kay… kabalo na mo…
mao ni hinungdan nganong gikapoy ko karon. mga ala 1 na tingali ko nakatulog kay nitan-aw pa man ko padayon ug desperate housewives.
magsakit ba sad inyong kalawasan kung kulang inyong tulog?
patience and investment
October 29, 2007 
I googled for “investing” and got this:
“No matter how great the talent or effort, some things just take time: You can’t produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.”
by: Warren Buffett
commitment and love
October 29, 2007
Filed under Feelings, Laugh
Tags: commitment, Feelings, love, Love Actually, marriage, Serious Talk
Introduction:
chat with my dear friend yesterday.
ME: why is your dad so mean?
HER: because his parents died when he was so young. and although his uncle and his wife adopted him, he still felt he didn’t belong. he never felt so loved.
ME: but he should forget about his past. he should realize he’s making himself suffer even more. and making his family (you and your mom) suffer.
HER: ya. but i understand him.
ME: it’s good that your mom is patient enough that she stays with him until now. she must love him so deeply.
HER: i don’t think it’s love that’s keeping them together. i think the very reason why she couldn’t leave is because of me. my mom alone can not support me and so, we need to stay. i honestly think my dad loves my mom, he just doesn’t show it.
i can’t understand it. why would you be mean to the person you love?
HER: guess what? sometimes, he threats my mom by telling her that he’ll divorce her.
ME: what? (the nerves!)
HER: ya. but i don’t think he could do that. he needs mom to take care of him. no one else would be there for him and he’s old and sick.
Author Comment:
if i were the partner, i would be insulted knowing this. i wanted to be needed because i’m loved, rather than loved because i am needed.
along the way, married couples lost the very thing that brought them to marriage. along the way, they forget the intense feeling that they once had. along the way, the magic is lost and they don’t realize it until it’s too late to find where exactly did they lose it. or worst, they never realize that they lost it.
i know, though, that the feeling of love (for the partner), sometimes, parts from a person. for several reasons. and marriage is a work in progress. but i guess it is commitment that brings the feeling back.
sometimes though, you stop cooperating because you want to take the easy way out. and the easy way out is turning your back, walk away (and be with someone else?). but isn’t it just a cycle? sooner or later, you’ll fall out of love for the next person. only then will you realize that the feeling never really stays. only then will you realize that it’s a mistake to leave and walk away. or will you ever? (and yet, it’s also a mistake staying without taking the time to look for the key that brought you to that place.)
YA. I know. It’s easier to comment when you are merely an audience rather than an actor.
<seryoso kaayo’g topic ba. mura’g member sa Serious Department.>
stress reliever
it’s good that the company (i’m working for) does not allow overtime on fridays beyond 9pm. and so, since i’ve got much time left before bedtime, i figured it might be good for me to try baking again. this time, i think the bread looks better. ^_^
saturday:
satuday is always for sports activities for me but then my badminton buddies are busy with their lives and so, i decided to go biking to USJ (universal studios japan). that’s about 9km from my pad, thus 18km back and forth. it was tiresome. but fun.
sunday:
church day. i always reserve my sunday for church activities. i consume all my day there, attending bible study, service, english lunch time and then aerobics.
it’s fun. and guess i’m set for the week. work. work. work.
these are how i cope with stress. these are how i recharge myself after consuming myself with work. doing things i love. how about you?
pakapin 1: i went biking with biking buddy kyrie. thanks kyrie! next stop’s where?
pakapin 2: pic’s taken on the way to usj. no good pic with usj at the background coz it’s already dark when we arrived and my phone camera is not good enough.
just not the nut’s bolt
Prelude: Since July, this year, I have been reporting for work as a subcontractual employee of a famous company here in Japan. There are 4 of us who came here together, the oldest is our leader. I am a subcontractual employee of the company where these 3 belong (i.e. I am a second level subcontractual employee, the 3 are 1st levels to our current client company).
Today is our leader’s last day here. He’s replaced by someone who’s more capable (allegedly, hehe). I have been complaining (to friends) about his incompetency and after 3 months of working together, he’s out. As I suspected. But it took a while.
He’s cool but just doesn’t fit snugly to the role he’s called for. He was merely acting as the group’s secretary (recording how far we have accomplished our tasks) and the mediator between us and the project leader (client company’s).
We were together riding on a train last Wednesday and it moved me that he said, he will be replaced because he wasn’t doing well. I felt guilty (a bit) coz I was so negative about him since we started. And I felt so pissed off everytime his leadership was needed and all he could do was act like a secretary or messenger.
Yet, it wasn’t his fault.
It is the manager’s, the one who sent him here. He was told by our client company that he was sending a leader who’s not capable enough and yet, he did not pull him out soon enough.
Our leader was insulted of a thing that he didn’t cause himself. In fairness, he did his best. He’s just not the nut’s bolt. Not even close.
what’s enough is relative
“if it was me who got the proposal, i would say “yes” right away. i don’t wanna live alone for the rest of my life.“
two best of friends – one got a proposal from her boyfriend and is in trouble finding the right answer for she worries about a lot of things. the other worries about getting a boyfriend, thus, the reply.
we do have the same needs but are into different situations of satisfying that need reason why what’s enough for us differs. it’s like a train ride. you wait (for minutes) for a train to come and then when it’s there, you get in and you wish you could have a seat. when you’re running to catch the train however, it’s different. it’s never a problem to never get a seat. it’s enough being able to get in, even at the last second. the thrill of almost not making it, makes making it, a great deal of success. and you’d say, “yatta!“.
it’s enough for a family who never gets to eat 3x a day to be able to eat 3x a day. a family who eats 3x a day, would need to have some snacks in between. those who have some snacks in between would want to dine inside fancy restaurants and have fancy foods.
education is a need. for parents who have less, a public school is enough. for those people who can afford, a private school with good facilities and really capable teachers are rather important.
for a person, a car is simply a want, for another, it is a need.
rich and poor have the same basic needs. the poor’s list are simple. the rich’s list comes with details though. and, is a little (or lot) longer.
must be nice to be able to explain in detail what you really want! must be nice to have choices.
*relative – not absolute
it’s all about hurt
The person you love the most is the same person who has the power to hurt you the most. A concrete evidence of his great love for you is him not trying to use that power despite his awareness. (naisip ko lang..)
but almost all the people we love hurt us and we do hurt them too. perhaps to see if we have that power in us and therefore, find out if we are indeed loved. why don’t we just ask instead (rather than make use of our power)? oh well, at times, we are unaware that we’re hurting someone. and only when we see them hurting do we realize what we’ve done and who we are to them. there’s just no escape to hurting someone and getting hurt. the true sign then of our love for someone is when we are hurting them and yet, we’re feeling the hurt ourselves. (i.e. i could hurt my mother or my sister, but i could never do that without hurting myself (in the process)).
a proposal excerpt
he: will you marry me?
she: tough one!
he: will you?
she: i don’t know. it’s hard. i’m afraid of a lot of things. i’m afraid it will fail.
he: if it’s love, then you shouldn’t be afraid.
she: maybe, it’s love. but love isn’t enough. almost all marriages start with love and yet a lot of marriages fail. because it’s not only about love and fantasy. it’s about reality. and perhaps, i wanna live in fantasy.
he: will you get there if you won’t marry?
she: not sure. but if i’d marry, the chance approaches negative.
because i love them both
Yesterday was a bonus day. I didn’t have much to do at work. No bug to be fixed. I was asked to continue my groupmate’s module though, for he’s busy bugfixing another module. But since the documents were not at hand yet, I just cleaned up the code I am gonna inherit.
I went out 6pm. It sure felt nice going out that early. arrived home at 7:20. I figured I had so much time left before sleeping time and so I browsed the net, took flour, sugar, banana, vanilla oil and baking powder from their usual places and tried baking the simplest banana cake recipe I did find.
It’s really fun doing it on my own for the first time. I have tried assisting friends but only up to that. Last night was different. I did it alone. For fun. For curiosity’s sake. And for the love of baking.
So, there. After doing all the mixing, I set the oven ready. After 30 minutes, I went to check my work of art. Surprise! It’s a bit burnt on top. hehe. just a bit. I wanted to take a picture of my first banana cake but it didn’t look great. The taste was fine, the smell’s yummy, but the flour (well, i was using a futsuu flour) didn’t rise. I don’t know why. Could anyone tell me? Is it the lack of baking powder that caused it? or the kind of flour i was using? or.. what?
It wasn’t bad though. Only that it’s more like a bread than a cake. (Murag pudding sa julie’s. bahug-bahug ba.)
More time left…so, I searched for dance videos. I found Shaun T’s and I tried doing it. The steps were simple and slow. Enough for a beginner like me.
Guess I shall be doing these things again, tonight.
exploring the world beyond
Today, in the morning, I (and 2 other friends) went to renew my working visa. It doesn’t seem like I’m here for almost a year but that’s it. And guess, I will be staying and working here for another year.
We wanted to take a whole day off from work today but dear bossing assured our client that we will be back in the afternoon and so, we have no choice.
The application only took a very few minutes, maybe, only about 30 minutes. We went around Umeda, looked for things to barter our yen with (i.e. shopping) and then had lunch there (actually, coffee + bread, as usual). Then, we head for work. Well, we did something stupid. Intentionally. because we wanted to break free. for a while.
Soon as we reached the station where we are supposed to get off, we stood up. In less than a second, we’re seated again. Yeah, we decided to enjoy the ride beyond. We went 4 more stations further. We reached a very very rural place. No train station master. No entrance and exit blockage. Anyone could go in and out without a ticket. Yes. It’s that rural. Of course, you could buy train tickets and there are ticket slots. So, JR gets money from honest individuals. Well, they all are.
Soon as we reached the waiting place for the ride back, we saw a very old woman finding a hard time going up the stairs. She’s carrying 2 plastic bags and a stick (sungkod). Feeling for her, we left our bags and went back to help her. Offer refused (this is no news). We went back and checked the place. There were no persons inside and outside (except us). As in zero. And convenience stores were nowhere to find.
It’s a completely different experience. We checked the train schedule and as we expected, it still will take a while for the next train to come. We talked about getting old. It’s really hard to grow old alone. I couldn’t imagine growing old alone. It would seem like I exist for nothing else but wait for my last day.
I now understand what a very dear friend told me:
“Life alone has very little meaning. There are so many things you just can’t do without someone else. Talk, laugh, joke, tease, play, hug, listen, touch, comfort, love…I’m not sure about only needing God. Sometimes, quite a few times I’ve thought that actually I really need a person. I think people need people, for all the reasons I’ve listed and just for company. God’s great for lots of things, but He doesnt touch or hug etc etc. and a person can feel very very alone when they don’t have other people even if they do believe in God. Well, sometimes I feel that way. Sometimes, I think God sends us people.“
“But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”(Matthew 6:33)
So, there…I believe HE takes care of sending us people, we just have to seek HIM first.
