the thought of someone

amazing how the thought of someone makes a tired and weary heart come alive.

i am feeling tired and weary lately.  i sometimes caught myself in the middle of nowhere while i am physically in front of my computer and supposedly working.  i must admit that life has become a bit tough. 

i allowed myself to feel tired.  i allowed myself to feel weary. and be lost. and then, the thought of my mom came in. and i am alive all over again.  tired but fighting.  resting but not quitting. 

it’s just amazing how the thought of someone i love so deeply and someone who loves me so deeply too, can make really big differences to how i handle life, to how i react to certain situations.  it’s not the feeling that someone needs me.  it’s the feeling that someone somewhere out there loves me deeply and that someone is someone i love so deeply too, much much more than i love myself.

it’s a realization that if only i am living only for myself, i could just quit any minute i feel like (quitting), but then, i know behind me is a mom who loves me so so much and i love her so so much too and that love is enough to keep me from falling, enough to make me think there’s no way i shall give up. 

i miss my mom. terribly.  i don’t know though when will i see her again. but the mere thought of her makes me come alive.

innermost feelings

sometimes, i ask myself if i really want a life this complicated.  i know life doesn’t have to be this hard.  i am suffering for the wrong thing.  or should i say, i am suffering from a thing of lesser value.  why am i in pain when i shouldn’t?  why am i struggling when it’s not necessary?

late reply

so many years ago, my mom asked me,

“why is it that when you are helping your friends do their assignments you are having so much fun, and yet, when it’s your sister that you’re teaching, you get so strict and you get so mad and irritated when she doesn’t get it right?” (simply said, why can you be so good to others yet so cruel to your own sister?)

i wasn’t able to explain myself back then.  i didn’t know what to answer.  why indeed?

and i got the answer. just a little later after she asked me so. but i wasn’t able to tell her.  and perhaps, i left her believing, i love my friends better than i love my sister. 

but, it’s not that.  my friends were only after for the answers of the homework, not really the explanation/s behind the answers. and i left it at that.  that was all they wanted.  whether they learned from it or not, it didn’t matter much to me.   and while my sister wanted answers to her homeworks just the same, i taught her further.  and i insisted that she had to learn it in detail. by heart. and i didn’t leave her without that solid understanding. because it mattered much to me that she’d be able to answer not only her homework but also the exams and whatever that there was after.

mom, i hope you get me now.  i hope i made myself clear.  now. though late.

iphone, for free

The sight of my blog title today brought something to you. Admit it. It’s so good news. The sound of apple iphone alone brings that intense desire to actually have a hold of that amazing creation. What more if it’s for free? But then, I doubt if you would believe that there really is a free iphone down here.

But there is. And I am not kidding. Hey! It isn’t April. Worry not. So, sit back and relax. And read on, ’cause whether you admit it or not, I know for a certainty that you would love to have the free iphone. Right? Well, as much or much more than I do, I guess.

Do you have to do something? Well, yes. And this is another good news, because it’s damn too simple. Expect no bad news here. Put the blame on internet marketing and Mr. Gary Lee. Well, what I am saying is that Mr. Gary Lee is giving away a free iphone as a way of boosting internet marketing on his website. And all I have to do is tell you about his generosity and link to his new project site about golf equipment and to PinkDeals.net, as well, which is giving away a free online coupon (for most stores on the internet) of $250 for signing up an American Express Gold Reward Card.

Yeah, that simple. And I can have his brand new apple iphone. For FREE.  And the best news is, you can have it too.

6 weird things

in honor of Shiera’s tag on me…

I used to think that I am normal. But some circumstances and well, people, tell me that in some aspects I am not. Well, here goes my list on why I can be considered weird.

(1) I can’t stand the sight of hairs falling on the floor (including bathroom’s and toilet’s floor). I get annoyed and so, I pick them up right when I see them.
(2) I can’t stand the sight of wet lavatory and garbage at the sink, even very little of it. So I wipe the lavatory and clean the sink everytime I use it. And I do check that part of the kitchen right before I leave the house.
(3) I can’t have lunch without coffee. No, I am not a coffee addict, I can stand mornings without coffee but I don’t get the feeling of being full (after lunch) without drinking coffee (with powdered cream).
(4) I don’t wear makeups and face powder on usual days. I have a foundation and lip balm though but i find it too time-consuming putting them on. Only bought one lip balm since I came and up to this time, it’s still not consumed, only used during winter.
(5) I don’t use lotions. Well, yeah, only at the peak of winter when my skin was bleeding and flaking and I couldn’t stand the pain. But normally, I don’t. So, I only bought lotion here in Japan once, and used it only for a while (like 5 times) and up to this time, it’s not even half-consumed.
(6) I don’t wash my face at night. I am not used to, plus my astigmatism gets triggered when I do. I just, sometimes, wipe it with a bit-wet face towel, or cotton with oil but never my habbit. I keep trying to do rituals, but just couldn’t make it a habbit. So, usually, I just start for a few days and then quit.

Don’t worry, I do brush my teeth and take a shower every single day. Hehehe..

And may I add? I am the stick-to-one-die-for-it type. OK, not perfectly that but someone so close, like I only have and use one watch since 2002. I don’t switch jewelries to match with my clothing for I am satisfied with wearing the same set of jewelries every single day for years now (silver necklace, silver earrings and silver rings). I only use a single perfume, yeah, since I came to Japan. I only use polo shirts for work – the same brand, the same style, five different colors. I only have one pair of boots which I am using for work every single working day since, I think 3 years ago,  and only one pair of rubber shoes.  And lastly, I only have a single boyfriend for almost 7 years now. It’s not that I try hard not to switch… I just noticed that I don’t do so more often than others.  For material things, I don’t change them until they’re worn out or I’m not into them anymore or until I decide to give them to neighbors who want them but don’t have them.

conversation with the old man

old man: rose, nan sai desu ka? (rose, how old are you?)
me: 26-sai desu. (26 years old)
old man: koibito ga iru no? (do you have a boyfriend?)
me: hai, dubai ni imasu. (yeah, he’s in dubai)
old man: wakai hito ga ii ne. (young person is good, right?)
me: silent mode.

he’s the same old man who asked my friend if he’s too old for me. strike 2. haha.

those big eyes

For more than 5 times, here in Japan, I am told that I am beautiful. And do you know why? me ga ooki kara… (because i have such big eyes)!

The first time, I heard that comment – “You have such big eyes”, I was hurt. Back in my country, having such big eyes is never beautiful. People with Chinese eyes are what we consider beautiful, not people with eyes such as mine. While here in Japan, it’s the opposite.

At the church and during parties (here in Japan), I kept receiving this same compliment. “You are beautiful.” And I always get a good feeling inside of me, but never when they followed it up with “because you have such big eyes.”

But I am getting used to it. And whenever someone (here) would say I am beautiful, I wouldn’t ask why. I wouldn’t wanna know.

beat me, beat me…

The sports center where we play badminton on Saturdays does not accept reservations. And so, whoever comes early gets the court. Listing up starts at 9:45 and game starts at 10:00. We used to arrive at 9:15 and never failed to get a court. But since last month, things have been different. At 9:15, early birds’ bags are all lined up and all courts are considered occupied. I was dismayed for two consecutive Saturdays, arriving there and finding out that I just couldn’t play. Japanese, oh, Japanese. How early did you arrive?

So, after missing two consecutive Saturdays, I swore I will never miss badminton again. No, not that way. So, Friday night, my gears are all ready. And right away, after I woke up (at 7:30), I washed my face and pedalled as fast as I can to the sports center. Arrived at 7:50, the building was still closed. I waited and learned that the center opens at 8:50. Ok. Fine. I sat down and waited for an hour. At 9:00, my bag was already falling in line. Yeah, court #1. That’s it. Beat that! At 9:15, the bags count are already enough to occupy all the courts.

Oh, did I even eat? Yeah. I have had a glass of milk and brought with me a box of pretzels. Girl Scout me!

So, there, I figured out what time the center opens and so, I know exactly what time should I be there to get a court to play. And for three consecutive Saturdays, my bag is always occupying the first slot.

At 9:15, there are a few comers, who, like me before, get dismayed to find out that not a single court is available. They haven’t figured yet how I did it. And if they will, perhaps, we will all be falling in line outside the center for hours prior to the opening of the door. Hehe.

But for now, they couldn’t beat me. Shhhh… don’t tell them.

The Body Shop / Vera Bradley Contest Giveaway!

I am joining a contest again. Desperately hoping my time would come.

Oh well, the Pinks and Blues Girls Blog is hosting another contest in partnership with The Body Shop.

Prices at stake are the following:

(1) The Vera Bradley Nantucket Navy coin purse (retail value – $14), which is perfect for the basic necessities – money, credit card, keys and lipstick,

(2) The Vera Bradley Nantucket Navy “Little Betsy” purse (retail value – $59), which comes with 6 inside pockets, an outside slip pocket, a sturdy base and a zip closure, and

(3) The Body Shop’s Coconut Butter (retail value – $17), which is 6.9 oz. of coconut-y goodness for your body!

Ain’t these awesome?

So, check out Pinks and Blues Girls to join. And never forget to check Sheena’s Body Shop Consultant site to reward yourself (skin), as well, with The Body Shop’s fabulous products especially because The Exclusive Product Collections are on sale at 15% Off.